


We haven't spoke since you went away

by RavenSnowStar94



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blind Character, Blindfolds, Finn Needs A Hug, Gay Poe Dameron, M/M, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Poe becomes distant, Post-TRoS, poe is oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-19 09:42:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22175602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenSnowStar94/pseuds/RavenSnowStar94
Summary: After an explosion, Finn needs to deal with his new situation and the fact that Poe distancied himself.He is lost and in love with his best friend that apparently doesn't want to spend time with him anymore.But things are not what they seem, sometimes people are just oblivious and scared.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 4
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

_Comfortable silence is so overrated_

_Why won't you ever say what you want to say?_

_Even my phone misses your call, by the way_

The last time Finn saw Poe was before the explosion.

They were all happy that the war finally come to an end that they let their guards down, and someone put a bomb on one of the ships near the crowd.

He was talking with Rey when he saw Poe on the other side of the meadow walking towards him. The orange jumpsuit smeared with oil, blood and something else.

Finn smiled at the other man, taking the first steps to reach Poe in the middle but then the explosion happened and he was thrown far away. He hit his head so strongly that he passed out instantly, he thinks he heard Poe yelling his name but he couldn't be sure.

That day was the last time he saw Poe's beautiful brown eyes.

And 127 days later he was still stuck in blackness while the sounds were almost too much to handle around him.

Finn counts himself lucky, many people died on the explosion. He was one of the lucky ones that survived, with some scratched and his eyes not working for some reason.

"Your optic nerve seems to have stagnated from swollen, so that is good news, General."

Finn got distracted by the sound of his heartbeat that he totally forgot his doctor was evaluating his last CT scan.

He felt more pressure in his hand, Rey held him tightly.

"What does that mean, doctor?" She asked with, Finn suspected, a hopeful smile.

"It means it's not getting worse the damage on the nerve so we can now research for a better way to fix the issue." His doctor sounded optimistic, but Finn wasn't sure. This whole situation was still new and he hated that he still needed help to walk around.

Also, Poe has been distancing himself from Finn since he woke up in the medbay not seeing anything. He didn't stopped talking with Finn, but things were different.

"Thank you, doctor."

"That's what I'm here for, and don't forget to come back in two weeks."

Rey and Finn walked out together, Finn holding her arm and listening to her chatting about how great news they received.

"Really, Finn! That's great! I'm sure we can figure it out now...oh, I forgot I have to go and train with Luke today! Where do you want to stay?"

They passed near the hangar, Finn could hear the pilots's laugh and he could distinguish Poe's in the middle. His feet stopped in the middle of a step.

"I'm going back to my room alone. I can go from here, Rey."

"Hum, are you sure? I can see if Po-" her voice showed how much she hated leaving him alone.

"No!" Finn practically yelled.

"Alright, alright...but be careful! Ask for help if you feel lost…" She gives him a kiss on the cheek and suddenly he was all alone.

He pressed his back to the walls of the corridor next to the hangar doors, closing his eyes and focusing on the sounds coming from there.

On the last months, he tried to learn how to rely on other things now that his vision went down. And he got better on listening people's voices, but mostly, he got really great at hearing when Poe was around. Which should be considered creepy, but he missed his friend.

There was the sound of boots scrapping on the cement ground, giving the impression that the person was dragging it feet probably due to exhaustion. Someone was sliding on metal, and then a 'click' sound of a seatbelt being took off. Giggling coming from near Finn that he suspected was from one of the training pilots who were all starstruck by Poe or Waxley.

Suddenly his ears picked up the rustling sound of a jacket being put on, and he just knew it was Poe. He was getting ready to come out of the hangar and go to his room, and Finn wanted to run but for obvious reasons he stayed frozen in place, coming up with a reason of why he was there. It was inevitable that Poe would see him when exiting the hangar so he held up the breath inside his lungs and his hands seemed to tremble a little.

He forgot to pay attention to his surroundings again and then there was the clear voice of Poe right next to him.

"Buddy! Why are you here alone?"

"Rey brought me…"

"Do you want me to take you to your room?" Poe said with his usual easy going way. Finn was suddenly mad about how oblivious Poe was acting even when it was clear as the day that their relationship took a toll on the last few months.

The old Poe would have his hands already grabbing Finn's, but this one was at least one meter away, and with his hands inside his jumpsuit pockets, judging from the previous sound of something sliding with the plastic material of Poe's clothes.

"Can I sleep in your room? I don't know what time Rey will be back and I need someone to help me with brushing my teeth and...stuff."

For a moment Finn thought Poe had gone away and left him alone in the corridor, the silent was louder than anything in his life at the moment.

But Poe sighed, not with relief but something else that Finn couldn't quite place it what.

"Yes, alright... let's go then. I will grab us dinner later."

"Thanks, Poe."

Finn smiled, at least Poe wasn't running away once again. So he moved his hand to grab Poe's arms, not knowing exactly where it was but he could feel the presence.of a body next to his left so he moved that way.

The jumpsuit fabric was the first thing he felt, and then Poe's skin came to contact with his, Finn noticed that he moved to Poe's neck and flinched his hand away.

Poe moved and Finn could feel an arm nudging his ribcage delicately. 

Finn took that as a way of offering the arm so he grabbed it fast.

They walked silently through the corridors, Finn didn't know how but he knew that Poe was constantly looking at him with worried eyes. Regarding Poe it was as if he could see him alright.

Poe put his room's code to open the door and when the swifting movement happened, Poe helped him to go up the two steps inside the room.

Finn knee that nostalgic smell, the smell of sweat and oil that he would recognize anywhere. It has been months since the last time he was there, he missed the board game nights, the days where Poe would bring a food called 'pizza' and they would laugh over the fact that Finn never watched The Fifth Element, because according to Poe it was the best movie ever made. He missed those mornings when he would woke up after spending the night there because he was too tired to walk to the room he shared with Rey, and seeing Poe snoring with his arms over his head. Even that time when Rey and Poe tried to explain what sex was to a naive and oblivious Finn. He thinks that was when he started to realize that he liked Poe as more than friends…

"Finn?"

Poe voice brought Finn back to the present.

"What should I do?"

"Just...show me where the bed is. I think I will sit there for a while."

"Alright."

Poe touched Finn's shoulder, guiding him ten steps to the right until they reach the bed and Finn touched the surface so he could sit without falling to the ground. That happened a lot and he didn't want that to happen in front of Poe.

"I will take a shower, later I will grab us dinner."

Finn nods because he isn't sure what he heard on Poe's voice, that seemed a lot like nervousness and he wasn't sure why the pilot felt like that. He was the one avoiding Finn, he was the one that could run anywhere...he was the one with power here.

When Finn heard the bathroom door close, he let out a long sigh of relief.

He laid back on the mattress and tried to take all the information he could before Poe shit him off again. Finn could be mad at Poe, because these past few months had been difficult for Finn and Poe chose that time to act strangely.

Finn heard the sound of BB-8 rolling nearby, only then noticing that the android had been there the whole time and he didn’t even greeted it.

“Hi, BB-8…” Finn puts his hands near the floor, trying to figure it out where the android was, suddenly his fingertips comes in contact with something cold and hard, and then the beeping sound of the android seems agitated and happy. “Hey! Yes...I know I’ve been away...and yes, I’ve missed you too.”

Finn said with a smile.

He paid attention to the sounds BB-8 did, not wanting to lose anything because although he was very good understanding android code he wasn’t fluent yet. Rey did her best to teach him even without vision, she said it would be easier for him because he wouldn’t get distracted by his vision and only listen...

The android beeped some more, telling Finn that Poe apparently acted broodingly these past few months. An information that peaked Finn's interest. BB-8 went to his little recipient where he charges through the night, and Finn heard the sound of the shower turning off.

Poe's voice was clear as a day, even with the door and some meters separating them, Finn could hear that Poe hummed one of those songs called 'rock' or 'stone' he didn't remember the name exactly, but he remembers Poe's little dance when listening to it.

Now he just imagined.

The bathroom door opened, welcoming the fresh showered air of Poe's, the fact that he didn't know what Poe was doing suddenly scared him. He could be good at listening to the pilot but if he took care of how he moved around Finn, he would be more blind than he was at the moment. Without no indication of movement he would forget and be lost.

His breathing quickened...Finn felt the air constricted inside his lungs, he tried to move and do something to make his breathing go back to normal but the sudden movement made him fall to the floor. 

He could hear Poe calling his name, touching his shoulders and helping Finn to stand up. The pilot held Finn's head between his hands, seeing something that make him break the walls he put up between him and Finn. 

They were on Poe's bed. Laying side by side, with Poe's arm around Finn's waist, while they touched their foreheads together.

"Finn...try to follow my breathing."

Finn's hand trembled, he reached between their bodies and placed his hands over Poe's chest, trying to follow the beating of his heart. It calmed him down doing things like this, he once caught Rey's wrist to count the heartbeats just to go back to breathe normally.

He fell asleep feeling Poe's finger tracing patterns on his back.

*

Apparently, Poe didn't have to go to the hangar the next day. Finn woke up to the sound of BB-8 rolling around the room, he wasn't used to the sound so that woke up up, he was being held by Poe he noticed. 

The other man seemed to be asleep, the soft snores coming from his mouth indicated that and he was into deep. 

Finn didn't want to move, feeling a little disoriented having just get back to his senses and not remembering that well this room's outline. BB-8 calmed down, he stopped moving around the room and not sound came of it. 

Poe's body was warm, his chest pressed to Finn's, and that felt good. The closeness he so much missed from Poe, even if that felt different from their usual hugs, it felt intimate and Finn's heart leaped. Maybe, deep down Poe felt the same way. Maybe he also saw Finn as a safe place.

His eyes closed once again, getting a deep inhale of Poe's scent before succumbing once again to sleep.

He didn't know how much time passed, but when he woke up it was to an empty bed. His hands went around him on the surface, noticing the cold sheets and the silence around him. Finn went to the nightstand, punching a button and then the clock announced that it was half past eleven in the morning. 

"Poe?"

He sat up on the bed, looking around but realizing he couldn't see. Finn found the end of the bed, put his legs out and stood up. He remembers that the bathroom was some footsteps away from the bed, he didn't know if he would be going to the right direction but he should try. 

When reaching the wall, he placed his hands on the wall, trying to find a door, he tattered around the room and then his feet came in contact with the cold floor of the bathroom.

He slipped, not sure on what his feet got tangled or where stepping on it. But one second he is standing and on the other he is laying down on the floor, with his head injured due to the fact that it hurts like hell and he lifts his hand to feel somewhat on the cut. Must be blood.

Then the front door was opening, and he could hear Poe's feet. The hesitation and then his breathing getting elaborated.

"Finn!"

Finn felt his hands once again around him. He was helping him sit up on the floor, and that was the epitome for Finn because suddenly he was crying. Not over the pain but because he has been missing Poe so much during this hard times that he was afraid for a second that Poe had left him and wouldn't be back to him again. That he would be distant once again. And being there with him, was something that made his heart clench.

"Your head is bleeding, we can go to the medbay so they can take a look...Finn? Buddy, don't worry everything is fine."

"Why you left me?"

"What?"

"I've been in the darkness for 128 days now, and you...you just didn't care. I hate to say that but it felt like you didn't care. We usually hang out all the time and now that I am like this you just- am I a burden to you now?" The tears stopped and his voice just sounded angry.

Finn stood up, trying to get away from Poe who was then in silence. He walked to where he thought was the door, BB-8 next to him as if guiding through the unfamiliar place. His memories of Poe’s room seemed to be fading, and it scared him. He felt like those days he was a stormtrooper, filled with doubts and confusion. Feeling lost.

At least, he still had Rey...and BB-8 apparently.

He went to press the button in which it would open the door but he suddenly was caught by Poe’s arms, he felt the pilot’s chest on his back, his mouth near his ear breathing deeply and calmly.

“Just--”

He stopped talking, hugged Finn tightly for one more second and then let him go.


	2. Chapter 2

He didn’t know that feelings could hurt.

But there he was, crying once again because of, what he chose to name, love.

Rey found him walking to her room, worried and agitated because Poe had contacted her and she went crazy looking for Finn. The base wasn’t gigantic, but it was a somewhat city.

Rey tiptoed around him the rest of the day, but when the night came she decided to start talking. Finn appreciated her concern but it surprised him how much she could understand him and practically read his mind.

“What happened with Poe?”

Finn could sense she was near him, she probably was kneeling next to him on the bed. Rey touched his hand and he knew, just knew, that she was smiling as if comforting him even though he couldn't see.

"Honestly? I don't know."

"Did you guys talked? Because you spent a long time there...I thought I will be seeing you two walking around together once more."

Finn thought too that for a moment everything went back to normal, that all of what happened these past months would disappear and he would be happy once again. Nothing is that easy though.

"I told him how angry I am. And he just said some things and hugged me. When he stopped hugging me I panicked and left."

Rey stopped chewing whatever she was eating, and Finn paid attention to the next seconds of total silence.

It was strange how sometimes he could feel he was scrunching up his eyes to see better and then remembering that anything he does there will be only darkness in front of him.

“I think you should give him some type...you said what you had to say and now it’s time to wait for his...reaction? I don’t know how to- Finn, have ever occured to you that you might be...well, interested in him?”

He didn’t say anything. Because saying it out loud would make things more real and painful, stating that he loves Poe would make things worse. And he was already in the pit of despair.

“Yes. I am. I’ve know for some time...but with all what happened. Not the best timing to confess my feelings.”

He said in the best way he could, he wanted to shout that Poe was the person who made everything possible, that without him and Rey he would be lost. Seeking for something to live for. But the words were stuck on his chest, it hurt even thinking about the possibility of Poe not loving him back. Which was practically confirmed after Poe’s strangement during these past few months.

“Oh, Finn!” Rey hugged him, and then they laid back on her bed, holding hands. With Rey trying to change the subject because she must felt how awful he felt about his current situation.

She talked for hours, about her training sessions with Luke, and how he reminded her of Han Solo. Of how she misses the desert even if she hated her life back then. Rey talked about everything, but not about the fact that Finn hears her crying during the night, but that could wait. He knows that when she’s ready, she would talk. Especially about whatever happened with Kylo Ren, he knows somethings must have happened that shocked her to the core.

The next few days passed in a blur of lacing Rey’s arms and going to the cafeteria with her, and having to go to the hangar with her so she could work with the engines. She found out that she was good as a mechanic, so some of the pilots requested her assistance. Thankfully, Poe kept to himself and even when Rey whispered that he was present, Finn found easy to walk next to her without having to see him.

When they entered the hangar one morning, he could hear Poe’s voice out and clear, he was yelling at someone. Finn wasn’t sure what was happening, but Rey stopped walking and then let go of him. Saying a quick ‘just a second’ and he could hear her running towards the yelling.

Suddenly, Poe’s voice was the only thing he could pay attention.

“There’s no need to say that!” He yelled and stopped, probably noticing him or Rey.

Then the other person said words that surprised Finn, especially because it came from someone he wasn’t expecting to be invested in other people’s happiness. Wexley is Poe’s oldest friend still alive and they were like brothers, but he never was one to talk openly about things in general he was always the quiet type.

“C’mon, Poe...you are being ridiculous with the man you love! After years fighting that damn war you are still acting like a person who thinks that has all the time! The deaths of our people should teach you to not be afraid to just go for it!” Wexley yelled and Finn could hear some grunts so maybe someone was trying to put space between the two friends yelling at each other. “He is blind? Not a good excuse to not tell what you feel...Stars, Poe! The man clearly loves you too so why be afraid of rejection? Or are you afraid of being happy?” Rey called Poe’s name, there was an awkward whispering between her and Poe. “Oh! See! He is right there! So go kiss him or whatever! Nobody likes to see you moping around the base…” 

Finn had the strange sensation of people staring at him, he wanted to run but that would mean probably falling so he stayed put. Begging for this to end and he can go back to Rey’s room to sleep and never wake up after this embarrassing moment.

“Wexley! Poe yelled, with anger in his tone.

“What? I’m just saying what everyone here is thinking!”

Finn turned around, trying to muffle the voices he covered his ears and even if it was unnecessary, he also closed his eyes. Begging mentally that Rey would be back to guide him to their room soon.

Hands caught his shoulders, turning him around again and then taking his hands off his ears. Finn recognized the hands immediately.

Before he could say anything else, Poe slid his hands around Finn’s neck, leaning down and pressing their mouths togethers.

Finn was paralyzed for a moment, not sure of what was happening. If he felt asleep and was dreaming or if that was reality. But when Poe took a second to breathe, Finn finally understood.

He was the one to kiss first then, the first to put his arms around Poe and push their bodies together. He was vaguely aware of people whistling around them, and of Rey yelling something like ‘I knew it’. And even Finn was embarrassed of doing that in front of everyone he couldn’t care less at that precise moment because Poe was kissing him like someone in love.

And that was all that mattered to him.

Finn didn’t know how, but Poe held his hand and they went back to Poe’s. With surprise pecks from poe along the way, making Finn stumble on his own feet. When they entered the room, Poe pressed Finn against the wall, trailing smooth kisses around the dark skin of Finn’s neck, making him beg air. His senses were high with the absence of sight. He wished he could see the man in front of him, the one who was now hugging him and trying to take his shirt off.

Finn caught Poe’s hands.

“Sorry.” Poe said maybe feeling he was being too fast.

“It’s just-Why were you avoiding me?” Finn asked still holding Poe’s hands.

Poe started to trail patterns on Finn’s hands, Finn couldn’t see his expression for obvious reasons but he knew that he was just searching for his words. The pilot was always someone of more action than words, so Finn waited.

“There is no excuse for...not being around. I am sorry. It has nothing to do with your eyes…” He then proceed to sit on his bed, helping Finn to do the same. “I lost many people in the war, so I was always cautions of who I share something. Then you appeared...Rey appeared. You two are some of those people that I can’t lose.” Finn leaned, hoping it was on the right direction, resting his forehead on Poe’s collar. “And you, Finn, I was afraid of giving you my heart and then having it be destroyed by something. I was a damn fool, and Wexley was calling out my stupid behaviour.” He tried to sound nonchalant at the end, as if he wasn’t feeling like crying.

“But we are here. And I’ve already spent so much of my life being alone. I don’t want that anymore.” Finn said, feeling Poe’s hands going up his back and resting there.

“So...together?” Poe sadi, and Finn knew he was smiling when saying that.

“Together.”

They spent the day exploring each other’s body, Finn feeling the trailing touch of Poe’s fingertips on the surface of his skin. With the pilot pressing hard on Finn’s body, trying to engulf him on his love and showing how much he adored Finn while kissing him roughly on the lips and then on everything else. The sun was setting when they entwined their hands, with Finn’s head resting above Poe’s heart, trying to focus on the beating sound of his heart.

“Damn, I have to give Wexley a great gift on his birthday.”

Finn laughed out loud for the first time since he could only see darkness, realizing that Poe was his light.

  
  


**THE END**


End file.
